Emmy Coates (nee Collett) passed away peacefully at her family home on Friday the 16th of June 2017 aged 31 years.
Dearly loved wife of Jacob, much loved daughter of David and Susie, special sister to Sophie and loving auntie to Milly. Teacher, author and best friend to so many, she was an inspiration and will be missed by all.
Her funeral service will take place at Hereford Cathedral on Friday 30th of June 2017 at 2pm. Everyone is very welcome to attend. Please do respond if you would like to attend to give us some indication of numbers.
Her cremation ceremony will follow for close friends and family (respectfully this will be by invitation only) at 3:45pm.
Family flowers only please. And kind donations will be gratefully received by The Royal Marsden Hospital Charity via Emmy and Jake's EJTandemonium justgiving fundraising page or can be sent to Bayley Brothers (Hereford) Ltd.
Lots of love from all of Emmy's family.
*******
The Emmy 'smile, love & be kind' page
June 20, 2017 ·
20.6.17 - Rest In Peace my darling girl.
There's so much that I want to say... so much that needs to be said. I find it impossible to find the right words or enough superlatives to describe Emmy, my love for her or my sorrow that she has gone. This post will never do justice all of the emotions that I want to convey nor express enough gratitude to all of you for all of the messages of love and support that we as a family have received.
To bring myself to actually write something has been so much more emotionally and physically challenging than I ever thought it would be. I have just wanted to hide, switch off my phone, shut off from the world and pretend it's not happening... but I realise that for so many reasons, not least that my beautiful Emmy would have wanted me to write something (mainly to thank you all - such is the person she was), that it was important that I try... so here it is...
My darling Emmy passed away at 8:30pm on Friday evening the 16th June 2017. She was surrounded by all her family and was as comfortable as she could be. The evening sun was still shining, the French doors were open, the birds were singing their evening song and three dogs and a very minxy Milly moo (Emmys and my beautiful 2 and a half year old niece) played and danced around her in a perfect blissful ignorance. It was exactly how Emmy would have wanted it to be.
There is little in the way of solace that can be taken from such a desperate time. That she felt so 'well' and had lived so fully, unawares of her impending fate, up until just a fortnight ago IS something. But that she deteriorated so suddenly leaving so many final conversations unsaid is also equally heartbreaking. Whilst it was so incredibly hard to comprehend for everyone that loved her, I have to believe and hope that her sudden demise was ultimately a blessing, that she didn't suffer and wasn't too frightened for too long and that she goes in peace, crossing over, with only memories of the happiest times.
Since Emmy passed away her family and I have been inundated with the most beautiful messages, emails, cards and letters of love, support and condolence. In the most desperate circumstance it has been truly heartwarming and I cannot begin to tell you how much of a wonderful comfort that it has been to us all. It is impossible for me to try and tell you all how grateful we are to every single one of you.
I have spent days too reading through the beautiful heartfelt posts that have been shared on Facebook and instagram celebrating all that was Emmy. To see the outpouring of love which has spread over social media from everyone far and wide and the recognition of the special person she was has been utterly breathtaking. It has been, at times, quite emotionally overwhelming and difficult to read, but it has also made me (and everyone that knew her), if it were possible, even prouder of the girl that we all adored so completely. I just wish she could see it all for herself. Perhaps she can. But from the bottom of my heart and on behalf of all of her gorgeous family - thank you for spreading such love and celebrating her in the way she so richly deserves.
Emmy was truly one of a kind. She was effortlessly beautiful. By far the most stunning girl I have ever seen. She had a simple charm, a gentle elegance and a pure class that couldn't be taught. She had the biggest, brightest smile that radiated an unparalleled warmth. She had the most dazzling emerald eyes - shining beacons that had a kindness like no other. Like Audrey Hepburn once said, her eyes were like a doorway to her heart - they smiled at you and you couldn't help but smile back - they were a window to her glistening soul and a true inner beauty. From her every pore she exuded a positivity so infectious that it was impossible not to feel better about yourself just by being around her. She genuinely lit up every room she walked into.
She was kind to a fault. She put everyone else first. She never believed any compliment she received and she played down any praise. She was unbelievably thoughtful - always buying others gifts and making them cards, writing thank you messages or notes and always desperately tried to respond to everyone who had written to her with the greatest care and attention that she felt they so deserved. She was an incredible teacher and children universally adored her. She was a scrabble mastermind and I could never beat her (even at the end when she would play half asleep! (Gad dam'it!). She wrote beautifully and authored the Tara and Tyrone books effortlessly. She surprised herself with her public speaking and was far more eloquent with words than she ever gave herself credit.
She was a fighter. Throughout everything she remained so strong. She was quite simply the bravest person I've ever met. She never ever complained, never moaned and never wanted any sympathy from me or anyone else. Every time she was dealt a dud card she just sucked it up and continued on. Always moving forward, never looking back. Even at the end she was still able to joke and laugh and make light of her situation. She was an unstoppable force who just wanted to spread as much love, light, happiness, kindness and positivity as she could.
They say that the true measure of friendship isn't how you feel about someone else but how they make you feel about yourself. Well Emmy had the incredible ability to make you feel like you were the only person in the world. Completely listened to. And made you feel so special. It is of little surprise then that over the years she has made and surrounded herself with some of the most gorgeous, sweet, caring, loving and incredible people that, as a husband, you could have ever wished her to have as friends. Her sweet nature and indomitable spirit gave her a magnetic attraction to all that she came into contact with and she lifted us all up and carried us with her on her journey. I feel truly lucky and privileged to have been able to walk beside her for the time that I did.
She was the most caring and loving and loved daughter, sister, auntie, god-mother and niece. And she was the most wonderful wife that I or any man could ever ask for. Sure she had some quirks but who doesn't - I loved her even more for each and every one of them! The imperfections! I mean - She wasn't the tidiest. She 'never had any clothes' (we could honestly clothe a small nation - good luck moving Jake!). She was rarely on time. She could be sooooo stubborn!! (but not to be mean we'll call it 'strong willed')... and this combined with her razor sharp photographic elephant like memory meant that I never (EVER!!) won an argument!! She was totally useless at saying goodbye (particularly to a certain Mrs Bugden!), her accents were questionable and her singing voice...let's say original (sorry baby!)! She had the tiniest thumbs and couldn't stop herself sticking them up in every photo (god I love her!) and she ate chocolate in her sleep (often waking up with it on her cheek and a wrapper stuck to her forehead). She had the coolest dance moves and the best fancy dress outfits! She hated her 'Spock' like ears and her 'Desperate Dan' jaw as she called them but I just loved her even more for her ridiculous and delusional self deprecation. To me - she was perfect.
She never knew how beautiful or how admired, loved and cherished she was. The effect she had on others and the number of people she inspired just by being her was so clear to see but not to her. I hope that she can look down now and is able to see the kind of impact she had on everyone she met and even those that she didn't. Her legacy and her motto 'Smile, love and be kind' will live on. To borrow a line (thank you Joanne Philip) - 'Emmy is like a skipping stone... she skipped and danced across the big wide pond that is life but now it is time for her to rest whilst her ripples live on'.
As for me... I feel utterly lost and empty without her. I can't look to the passenger seat whilst driving the car without the deepest ache spreading across my chest. And there isn't a moment that passes when I don't miss her. No truer word has been spoken than 'Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.' (K.Gibran). I knew I was lucky but it is true that you never know what you have got until its gone. She was my north, my south, my east, my west. The reason I wanted to wake up every morning and be a better person. My co-captain on my bike. My best friend. My lobster. My wife. And truly my hero.
Now that she is gone it is difficult to not feel so alone. But I have to believe that she she has just gone on to the next room. That she has returned to a heaven surrounded by her kind again. For she was an angel amongst mortals and she spread light in a world that at times was not so bright. And she is looking back and smiling on all of us and she'll be with us all in some way still.
To me... She is the ray of sunshine that warms my face. She is the brightest star in the night sky. She is the gentle breeze that rustles through the curtain. She is the gentle lapping sea on the shore. She is literally in my thoughts every waking moment, and in my dreams every minute I rest. She shone so brightly upon so many and she had so much love to give. The kind of love that envelops you completely and makes you feel like the only person in the world. I feel truly blessed that Emmy chose me. I got to meet and marry my soulmate and very few people get to do that. The overwhelming feeling when she passed away was that if I couldn't keep her here in this world then all I wanted was to go with her to the next. To be with her. To walk with her, hold her hand and make sure she wasn't scared. But alas I have to stay. I have a Molly to look after and Emmy's message to continue to spread. The surrogacy journey also continues and one day, who knows, we might have a little bit of Emmy in this world again! But I wish with all that I am that I could have just one more day with her. To laugh with, to hug, to kiss, to hold tight.
So make me this promise. Go out. Go to your husband or your wife. Your partner or your lover. Tell them that you love them. Embrace them. Hold them that little bit longer. Squeeze them that little bit tighter. Whisper sweet nothings and try to forget, just for a moment, those small irrelevant worries. You're only here in this world for the shortest time and you never know when it might all disappear.
And so, although I fear I have missed out so much that I wanted to say...I leave with this.
You're back amongst your own now my gorgeous girl, my love, my angel. Shine down whenever you can. I'll be looking out for you. Wherever you are, put the kettle on, put on your dressing gown, curl up on the sofa and wait for me. I'll always be holding your hand...See you soon gorge.
'Smile more, love more deeply and be kind always.' Emmy Coates.
Source: Jake Coates, FB
*******
Brace yourself...this is the most beautiful, brave and heartbreaking love story
By Amanda Cassidy
Emmy and Jake were childhood sweethearts when they were just 11 years of age.
At 13, Jake told Emmy that she was his 'lobster'.
At 16, they became 'official', and dated for three years. Although they went their separate ways at University, they remained best friends.
Emmy, who was working as a primary school teacher in London at the time, kept in touch with Jake who was living in Australia via 'Facetime'. Nobody was surprised when they rekindled their romance, but their happily ever after was put on hold after Emmy was suddenly diagnosed with thyroid cancer.
A CT scan revealed that the cancer had already spread into her spine, lungs, liver and bones. She was dying.
Instead of proposing on the beach in the Philippines as planned, Jake promptly proposed to Emmy the next day in bed, with a cup of tea. She described the moment as totally 'perfect'.
Emmy was told that illness was, most likely, terminal. They married in a stunning (and heartbreaking) ceremony last September.
Emmy wrote on her blog and on their joint Facebook Page soon after:
"Although I will be on this medication life long, my prognosis is still rather dire. I have stage 4 disease meaning I have a 20% chance of living 5 years, however, I remain optimistic. Due to the teratogenicity of the drug, sadly it is not possible for me to ever carry a baby. This news for me was almost more devastating than the actual diagnosis as being a mummy is all I have ever wanted.
Therefore our only option of ever having our own child was to undergo fertility treatment; to harvest my eggs, Jake's little swimmers and we, fortunately, were able to freeze 9 embryos which potentially could be used with a surrogate in the future."
The coupled faced some backlash about their decision to bring a child into the world who's mum wouldn't live long.
Emmy's remarkable courage continued, despite the aggressive treatments and awful side-effects of her illness. She faced every day with a smile and became known for her catchphrase 'Smile, love and be kind'
Her blog posts were honest, raw and sometimes hard to read. She used her illness to inform others. And to help them feel supported. She said that she didn't want anyone to feel alone. Here post about radiotherapy is honest and raw as she charted her cancer journey with remarkable candour and courage:
"My liver is continuing to increase in size and still not functioning. It is causing quite significant pain and I continue to feel/be very sick. This is also causing continued weight loss (despite looking positively pregnant due to the swelling) and I am quite dizzy and malcoordinated (a strong look). Eating is actually at such a low point that I haven't even been able to face chocolate for over a month and I usually gorge on this delight EVERY DAY (and night!!)!!! My mouth is really dry from all the meds (but that's ok and I have this really sexy saliva cream I use...Jake's such a lucky boy!!)
I continue to feel totally exhausted all the time which is really annoying, I can't really focus on stuff especially reading and fall asleep all the time (again poor Jake...I'm rubbish company...although I do have really crazy medication induced dreams where I'm half awake and I think he has a lot of fun playing along with them!!). I also have flushing, which is a symptom of the cancer (on the plus side, with makeup I look like I've been in the Caribbean for a week although without makeup I look like I've been under a kebab grill for a week...swings and roundabouts)!"
While she was still well enough, the couple decided to make the most of their time together, they wanted to do whatever they could to help other families going through the same ordeal. They embarked on a 2000km tandem challenge from London to Copenhagen, via Brussels and Amsterdam in order to raise funds for the Royal Marsden Cancer Charity in the UK.
It wasn't easy, physically, for Emmy but she laughed and joked about her 'magic walking stick' and they raised over 100 thousand pounds.
Emmy and Jake also wrote a children's book and fulfilled a lifelong dream of having a dog - Molly brought a huge amount of joy into their lives.
Sadly, Emmy's radiance and Joie de vivre were not enough to save her life. Last week Emmy died. She never got to realise her wish to see her baby being born.
Surrounded by her family and with her beloved Molly by her side, Jake penned an emotional tribute to his brave wife after her death:
"The evening sun was still shining, the French doors were open, the birds were singing their evening song and three dogs and a very Minxy MillyMoo, (Emmy's and my beautiful 2 and a half-year-old niece) played and danced around her in a perfect blissful ignorance. It was exactly how Emmy would have wanted it to be.
There is little in the way of solace that can be taken from such a desperate time.
Whilst it was so incredibly hard to comprehend for everyone that loved her, I have to believe and hope that her sudden demise was ultimately a blessing, that she didn't suffer and wasn't too frightened for too long and that she goes in peace, crossing over, with only memories of the happiest times."
He went on to say how much he was going to miss her:
"She never knew how beautiful or how admired, loved and cherished she was.
The effect she had on others and the number of people she inspired just by being her, was so clear to see but not to her. I hope that she can look down now and is able to see the kind of impact she had on everyone she met and even those that she didn't. Her legacy and her motto 'Smile, love and be kind' will live on. To borrow a line from a friend (thank you Joanne Philip) - 'Emmy is like a skipping stone... she skipped and danced across the big wide pond that is life but now it is time for her to rest whilst her ripples live on'.
As for me... I feel utterly lost and empty without her. I can't look to the passenger seat whilst driving the car without the deepest ache spreading across my chest. And there isn't a moment that passes when I don't miss her."
You can read Jake's entire post here. It is beautiful and brave and heartbreaking.
More than anything in the world, Emmy wanted children. The realisation that she may not ever have a child was one of the most devastating parts of her diagnosis. Jake hopes someday he can raise their child, and he believes Emmy's spirit will live in her son or daughter.
"The surrogacy journey also continues and one day, who knows, we might have a little bit of Emmy in this world again! But I wish with all that I am, that I could have just one more day with her. To laugh with, to hug, to kiss, to hold tight.
So make me this promise. Go out. Go to your husband or your wife. Your partner or your lover.
Tell them that you love them. Embrace them. Hold them that little bit longer. Squeeze them that little bit tighter. Whisper sweet nothings and try to forget, just for a moment, those small irrelevant worries. You're only here in this world for the shortest time and you never know when it might all disappear."
Emmy Coates will be buried this Friday at Hereford Cathedral at 2 pm
You can see more about their brave journey here
(FB The Emmy 'smile, love & be kind' page)
Dearly loved wife of Jacob, much loved daughter of David and Susie, special sister to Sophie and loving auntie to Milly. Teacher, author and best friend to so many, she was an inspiration and will be missed by all.
Her funeral service will take place at Hereford Cathedral on Friday 30th of June 2017 at 2pm. Everyone is very welcome to attend. Please do respond if you would like to attend to give us some indication of numbers.
Her cremation ceremony will follow for close friends and family (respectfully this will be by invitation only) at 3:45pm.
Family flowers only please. And kind donations will be gratefully received by The Royal Marsden Hospital Charity via Emmy and Jake's EJTandemonium justgiving fundraising page or can be sent to Bayley Brothers (Hereford) Ltd.
Lots of love from all of Emmy's family.
*******
The Emmy 'smile, love & be kind' page
June 20, 2017 ·
20.6.17 - Rest In Peace my darling girl.
There's so much that I want to say... so much that needs to be said. I find it impossible to find the right words or enough superlatives to describe Emmy, my love for her or my sorrow that she has gone. This post will never do justice all of the emotions that I want to convey nor express enough gratitude to all of you for all of the messages of love and support that we as a family have received.
To bring myself to actually write something has been so much more emotionally and physically challenging than I ever thought it would be. I have just wanted to hide, switch off my phone, shut off from the world and pretend it's not happening... but I realise that for so many reasons, not least that my beautiful Emmy would have wanted me to write something (mainly to thank you all - such is the person she was), that it was important that I try... so here it is...
My darling Emmy passed away at 8:30pm on Friday evening the 16th June 2017. She was surrounded by all her family and was as comfortable as she could be. The evening sun was still shining, the French doors were open, the birds were singing their evening song and three dogs and a very minxy Milly moo (Emmys and my beautiful 2 and a half year old niece) played and danced around her in a perfect blissful ignorance. It was exactly how Emmy would have wanted it to be.
There is little in the way of solace that can be taken from such a desperate time. That she felt so 'well' and had lived so fully, unawares of her impending fate, up until just a fortnight ago IS something. But that she deteriorated so suddenly leaving so many final conversations unsaid is also equally heartbreaking. Whilst it was so incredibly hard to comprehend for everyone that loved her, I have to believe and hope that her sudden demise was ultimately a blessing, that she didn't suffer and wasn't too frightened for too long and that she goes in peace, crossing over, with only memories of the happiest times.
Since Emmy passed away her family and I have been inundated with the most beautiful messages, emails, cards and letters of love, support and condolence. In the most desperate circumstance it has been truly heartwarming and I cannot begin to tell you how much of a wonderful comfort that it has been to us all. It is impossible for me to try and tell you all how grateful we are to every single one of you.
I have spent days too reading through the beautiful heartfelt posts that have been shared on Facebook and instagram celebrating all that was Emmy. To see the outpouring of love which has spread over social media from everyone far and wide and the recognition of the special person she was has been utterly breathtaking. It has been, at times, quite emotionally overwhelming and difficult to read, but it has also made me (and everyone that knew her), if it were possible, even prouder of the girl that we all adored so completely. I just wish she could see it all for herself. Perhaps she can. But from the bottom of my heart and on behalf of all of her gorgeous family - thank you for spreading such love and celebrating her in the way she so richly deserves.
Emmy was truly one of a kind. She was effortlessly beautiful. By far the most stunning girl I have ever seen. She had a simple charm, a gentle elegance and a pure class that couldn't be taught. She had the biggest, brightest smile that radiated an unparalleled warmth. She had the most dazzling emerald eyes - shining beacons that had a kindness like no other. Like Audrey Hepburn once said, her eyes were like a doorway to her heart - they smiled at you and you couldn't help but smile back - they were a window to her glistening soul and a true inner beauty. From her every pore she exuded a positivity so infectious that it was impossible not to feel better about yourself just by being around her. She genuinely lit up every room she walked into.
She was kind to a fault. She put everyone else first. She never believed any compliment she received and she played down any praise. She was unbelievably thoughtful - always buying others gifts and making them cards, writing thank you messages or notes and always desperately tried to respond to everyone who had written to her with the greatest care and attention that she felt they so deserved. She was an incredible teacher and children universally adored her. She was a scrabble mastermind and I could never beat her (even at the end when she would play half asleep! (Gad dam'it!). She wrote beautifully and authored the Tara and Tyrone books effortlessly. She surprised herself with her public speaking and was far more eloquent with words than she ever gave herself credit.
She was a fighter. Throughout everything she remained so strong. She was quite simply the bravest person I've ever met. She never ever complained, never moaned and never wanted any sympathy from me or anyone else. Every time she was dealt a dud card she just sucked it up and continued on. Always moving forward, never looking back. Even at the end she was still able to joke and laugh and make light of her situation. She was an unstoppable force who just wanted to spread as much love, light, happiness, kindness and positivity as she could.
They say that the true measure of friendship isn't how you feel about someone else but how they make you feel about yourself. Well Emmy had the incredible ability to make you feel like you were the only person in the world. Completely listened to. And made you feel so special. It is of little surprise then that over the years she has made and surrounded herself with some of the most gorgeous, sweet, caring, loving and incredible people that, as a husband, you could have ever wished her to have as friends. Her sweet nature and indomitable spirit gave her a magnetic attraction to all that she came into contact with and she lifted us all up and carried us with her on her journey. I feel truly lucky and privileged to have been able to walk beside her for the time that I did.
She was the most caring and loving and loved daughter, sister, auntie, god-mother and niece. And she was the most wonderful wife that I or any man could ever ask for. Sure she had some quirks but who doesn't - I loved her even more for each and every one of them! The imperfections! I mean - She wasn't the tidiest. She 'never had any clothes' (we could honestly clothe a small nation - good luck moving Jake!). She was rarely on time. She could be sooooo stubborn!! (but not to be mean we'll call it 'strong willed')... and this combined with her razor sharp photographic elephant like memory meant that I never (EVER!!) won an argument!! She was totally useless at saying goodbye (particularly to a certain Mrs Bugden!), her accents were questionable and her singing voice...let's say original (sorry baby!)! She had the tiniest thumbs and couldn't stop herself sticking them up in every photo (god I love her!) and she ate chocolate in her sleep (often waking up with it on her cheek and a wrapper stuck to her forehead). She had the coolest dance moves and the best fancy dress outfits! She hated her 'Spock' like ears and her 'Desperate Dan' jaw as she called them but I just loved her even more for her ridiculous and delusional self deprecation. To me - she was perfect.
She never knew how beautiful or how admired, loved and cherished she was. The effect she had on others and the number of people she inspired just by being her was so clear to see but not to her. I hope that she can look down now and is able to see the kind of impact she had on everyone she met and even those that she didn't. Her legacy and her motto 'Smile, love and be kind' will live on. To borrow a line (thank you Joanne Philip) - 'Emmy is like a skipping stone... she skipped and danced across the big wide pond that is life but now it is time for her to rest whilst her ripples live on'.
As for me... I feel utterly lost and empty without her. I can't look to the passenger seat whilst driving the car without the deepest ache spreading across my chest. And there isn't a moment that passes when I don't miss her. No truer word has been spoken than 'Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.' (K.Gibran). I knew I was lucky but it is true that you never know what you have got until its gone. She was my north, my south, my east, my west. The reason I wanted to wake up every morning and be a better person. My co-captain on my bike. My best friend. My lobster. My wife. And truly my hero.
Now that she is gone it is difficult to not feel so alone. But I have to believe that she she has just gone on to the next room. That she has returned to a heaven surrounded by her kind again. For she was an angel amongst mortals and she spread light in a world that at times was not so bright. And she is looking back and smiling on all of us and she'll be with us all in some way still.
To me... She is the ray of sunshine that warms my face. She is the brightest star in the night sky. She is the gentle breeze that rustles through the curtain. She is the gentle lapping sea on the shore. She is literally in my thoughts every waking moment, and in my dreams every minute I rest. She shone so brightly upon so many and she had so much love to give. The kind of love that envelops you completely and makes you feel like the only person in the world. I feel truly blessed that Emmy chose me. I got to meet and marry my soulmate and very few people get to do that. The overwhelming feeling when she passed away was that if I couldn't keep her here in this world then all I wanted was to go with her to the next. To be with her. To walk with her, hold her hand and make sure she wasn't scared. But alas I have to stay. I have a Molly to look after and Emmy's message to continue to spread. The surrogacy journey also continues and one day, who knows, we might have a little bit of Emmy in this world again! But I wish with all that I am that I could have just one more day with her. To laugh with, to hug, to kiss, to hold tight.
So make me this promise. Go out. Go to your husband or your wife. Your partner or your lover. Tell them that you love them. Embrace them. Hold them that little bit longer. Squeeze them that little bit tighter. Whisper sweet nothings and try to forget, just for a moment, those small irrelevant worries. You're only here in this world for the shortest time and you never know when it might all disappear.
And so, although I fear I have missed out so much that I wanted to say...I leave with this.
You're back amongst your own now my gorgeous girl, my love, my angel. Shine down whenever you can. I'll be looking out for you. Wherever you are, put the kettle on, put on your dressing gown, curl up on the sofa and wait for me. I'll always be holding your hand...See you soon gorge.
'Smile more, love more deeply and be kind always.' Emmy Coates.
Source: Jake Coates, FB
*******
Brace yourself...this is the most beautiful, brave and heartbreaking love story
By Amanda Cassidy
Emmy and Jake were childhood sweethearts when they were just 11 years of age.
At 13, Jake told Emmy that she was his 'lobster'.
At 16, they became 'official', and dated for three years. Although they went their separate ways at University, they remained best friends.
Emmy, who was working as a primary school teacher in London at the time, kept in touch with Jake who was living in Australia via 'Facetime'. Nobody was surprised when they rekindled their romance, but their happily ever after was put on hold after Emmy was suddenly diagnosed with thyroid cancer.
A CT scan revealed that the cancer had already spread into her spine, lungs, liver and bones. She was dying.
Instead of proposing on the beach in the Philippines as planned, Jake promptly proposed to Emmy the next day in bed, with a cup of tea. She described the moment as totally 'perfect'.
Emmy was told that illness was, most likely, terminal. They married in a stunning (and heartbreaking) ceremony last September.
Emmy wrote on her blog and on their joint Facebook Page soon after:
"Although I will be on this medication life long, my prognosis is still rather dire. I have stage 4 disease meaning I have a 20% chance of living 5 years, however, I remain optimistic. Due to the teratogenicity of the drug, sadly it is not possible for me to ever carry a baby. This news for me was almost more devastating than the actual diagnosis as being a mummy is all I have ever wanted.
Therefore our only option of ever having our own child was to undergo fertility treatment; to harvest my eggs, Jake's little swimmers and we, fortunately, were able to freeze 9 embryos which potentially could be used with a surrogate in the future."
The coupled faced some backlash about their decision to bring a child into the world who's mum wouldn't live long.
Emmy's remarkable courage continued, despite the aggressive treatments and awful side-effects of her illness. She faced every day with a smile and became known for her catchphrase 'Smile, love and be kind'
Her blog posts were honest, raw and sometimes hard to read. She used her illness to inform others. And to help them feel supported. She said that she didn't want anyone to feel alone. Here post about radiotherapy is honest and raw as she charted her cancer journey with remarkable candour and courage:
"My liver is continuing to increase in size and still not functioning. It is causing quite significant pain and I continue to feel/be very sick. This is also causing continued weight loss (despite looking positively pregnant due to the swelling) and I am quite dizzy and malcoordinated (a strong look). Eating is actually at such a low point that I haven't even been able to face chocolate for over a month and I usually gorge on this delight EVERY DAY (and night!!)!!! My mouth is really dry from all the meds (but that's ok and I have this really sexy saliva cream I use...Jake's such a lucky boy!!)
I continue to feel totally exhausted all the time which is really annoying, I can't really focus on stuff especially reading and fall asleep all the time (again poor Jake...I'm rubbish company...although I do have really crazy medication induced dreams where I'm half awake and I think he has a lot of fun playing along with them!!). I also have flushing, which is a symptom of the cancer (on the plus side, with makeup I look like I've been in the Caribbean for a week although without makeup I look like I've been under a kebab grill for a week...swings and roundabouts)!"
While she was still well enough, the couple decided to make the most of their time together, they wanted to do whatever they could to help other families going through the same ordeal. They embarked on a 2000km tandem challenge from London to Copenhagen, via Brussels and Amsterdam in order to raise funds for the Royal Marsden Cancer Charity in the UK.
It wasn't easy, physically, for Emmy but she laughed and joked about her 'magic walking stick' and they raised over 100 thousand pounds.
Emmy and Jake also wrote a children's book and fulfilled a lifelong dream of having a dog - Molly brought a huge amount of joy into their lives.
Sadly, Emmy's radiance and Joie de vivre were not enough to save her life. Last week Emmy died. She never got to realise her wish to see her baby being born.
Surrounded by her family and with her beloved Molly by her side, Jake penned an emotional tribute to his brave wife after her death:
"The evening sun was still shining, the French doors were open, the birds were singing their evening song and three dogs and a very Minxy MillyMoo, (Emmy's and my beautiful 2 and a half-year-old niece) played and danced around her in a perfect blissful ignorance. It was exactly how Emmy would have wanted it to be.
There is little in the way of solace that can be taken from such a desperate time.
Whilst it was so incredibly hard to comprehend for everyone that loved her, I have to believe and hope that her sudden demise was ultimately a blessing, that she didn't suffer and wasn't too frightened for too long and that she goes in peace, crossing over, with only memories of the happiest times."
He went on to say how much he was going to miss her:
"She never knew how beautiful or how admired, loved and cherished she was.
The effect she had on others and the number of people she inspired just by being her, was so clear to see but not to her. I hope that she can look down now and is able to see the kind of impact she had on everyone she met and even those that she didn't. Her legacy and her motto 'Smile, love and be kind' will live on. To borrow a line from a friend (thank you Joanne Philip) - 'Emmy is like a skipping stone... she skipped and danced across the big wide pond that is life but now it is time for her to rest whilst her ripples live on'.
As for me... I feel utterly lost and empty without her. I can't look to the passenger seat whilst driving the car without the deepest ache spreading across my chest. And there isn't a moment that passes when I don't miss her."
You can read Jake's entire post here. It is beautiful and brave and heartbreaking.
More than anything in the world, Emmy wanted children. The realisation that she may not ever have a child was one of the most devastating parts of her diagnosis. Jake hopes someday he can raise their child, and he believes Emmy's spirit will live in her son or daughter.
"The surrogacy journey also continues and one day, who knows, we might have a little bit of Emmy in this world again! But I wish with all that I am, that I could have just one more day with her. To laugh with, to hug, to kiss, to hold tight.
So make me this promise. Go out. Go to your husband or your wife. Your partner or your lover.
Tell them that you love them. Embrace them. Hold them that little bit longer. Squeeze them that little bit tighter. Whisper sweet nothings and try to forget, just for a moment, those small irrelevant worries. You're only here in this world for the shortest time and you never know when it might all disappear."
Emmy Coates will be buried this Friday at Hereford Cathedral at 2 pm
You can see more about their brave journey here
(FB The Emmy 'smile, love & be kind' page)
Emmy Coates (nee Collett) passed away peacefully at her family home on Friday the 16th of June 2017 aged 31 years.
Dearly loved wife of Jacob, much loved daughter of David and Susie, special sister to Sophie and loving auntie to Milly. Teacher, author and best friend to so many, she was an inspiration and will be missed by all.
Her funeral service will take place at Hereford Cathedral on Friday 30th of June 2017 at 2pm. Everyone is very welcome to attend. Please do respond if you would like to attend to give us some indication of numbers.
Her cremation ceremony will follow for close friends and family (respectfully this will be by invitation only) at 3:45pm.
Family flowers only please. And kind donations will be gratefully received by The Royal Marsden Hospital Charity via Emmy and Jake's EJTandemonium justgiving fundraising page or can be sent to Bayley Brothers (Hereford) Ltd.
Lots of love from all of Emmy's family.
*******
The Emmy 'smile, love & be kind' page
June 20, 2017 ·
20.6.17 - Rest In Peace my darling girl.
There's so much that I want to say... so much that needs to be said. I find it impossible to find the right words or enough superlatives to describe Emmy, my love for her or my sorrow that she has gone. This post will never do justice all of the emotions that I want to convey nor express enough gratitude to all of you for all of the messages of love and support that we as a family have received.
To bring myself to actually write something has been so much more emotionally and physically challenging than I ever thought it would be. I have just wanted to hide, switch off my phone, shut off from the world and pretend it's not happening... but I realise that for so many reasons, not least that my beautiful Emmy would have wanted me to write something (mainly to thank you all - such is the person she was), that it was important that I try... so here it is...
My darling Emmy passed away at 8:30pm on Friday evening the 16th June 2017. She was surrounded by all her family and was as comfortable as she could be. The evening sun was still shining, the French doors were open, the birds were singing their evening song and three dogs and a very minxy Milly moo (Emmys and my beautiful 2 and a half year old niece) played and danced around her in a perfect blissful ignorance. It was exactly how Emmy would have wanted it to be.
There is little in the way of solace that can be taken from such a desperate time. That she felt so 'well' and had lived so fully, unawares of her impending fate, up until just a fortnight ago IS something. But that she deteriorated so suddenly leaving so many final conversations unsaid is also equally heartbreaking. Whilst it was so incredibly hard to comprehend for everyone that loved her, I have to believe and hope that her sudden demise was ultimately a blessing, that she didn't suffer and wasn't too frightened for too long and that she goes in peace, crossing over, with only memories of the happiest times.
Since Emmy passed away her family and I have been inundated with the most beautiful messages, emails, cards and letters of love, support and condolence. In the most desperate circumstance it has been truly heartwarming and I cannot begin to tell you how much of a wonderful comfort that it has been to us all. It is impossible for me to try and tell you all how grateful we are to every single one of you.
I have spent days too reading through the beautiful heartfelt posts that have been shared on Facebook and instagram celebrating all that was Emmy. To see the outpouring of love which has spread over social media from everyone far and wide and the recognition of the special person she was has been utterly breathtaking. It has been, at times, quite emotionally overwhelming and difficult to read, but it has also made me (and everyone that knew her), if it were possible, even prouder of the girl that we all adored so completely. I just wish she could see it all for herself. Perhaps she can. But from the bottom of my heart and on behalf of all of her gorgeous family - thank you for spreading such love and celebrating her in the way she so richly deserves.
Emmy was truly one of a kind. She was effortlessly beautiful. By far the most stunning girl I have ever seen. She had a simple charm, a gentle elegance and a pure class that couldn't be taught. She had the biggest, brightest smile that radiated an unparalleled warmth. She had the most dazzling emerald eyes - shining beacons that had a kindness like no other. Like Audrey Hepburn once said, her eyes were like a doorway to her heart - they smiled at you and you couldn't help but smile back - they were a window to her glistening soul and a true inner beauty. From her every pore she exuded a positivity so infectious that it was impossible not to feel better about yourself just by being around her. She genuinely lit up every room she walked into.
She was kind to a fault. She put everyone else first. She never believed any compliment she received and she played down any praise. She was unbelievably thoughtful - always buying others gifts and making them cards, writing thank you messages or notes and always desperately tried to respond to everyone who had written to her with the greatest care and attention that she felt they so deserved. She was an incredible teacher and children universally adored her. She was a scrabble mastermind and I could never beat her (even at the end when she would play half asleep! (Gad dam'it!). She wrote beautifully and authored the Tara and Tyrone books effortlessly. She surprised herself with her public speaking and was far more eloquent with words than she ever gave herself credit.
She was a fighter. Throughout everything she remained so strong. She was quite simply the bravest person I've ever met. She never ever complained, never moaned and never wanted any sympathy from me or anyone else. Every time she was dealt a dud card she just sucked it up and continued on. Always moving forward, never looking back. Even at the end she was still able to joke and laugh and make light of her situation. She was an unstoppable force who just wanted to spread as much love, light, happiness, kindness and positivity as she could.
They say that the true measure of friendship isn't how you feel about someone else but how they make you feel about yourself. Well Emmy had the incredible ability to make you feel like you were the only person in the world. Completely listened to. And made you feel so special. It is of little surprise then that over the years she has made and surrounded herself with some of the most gorgeous, sweet, caring, loving and incredible people that, as a husband, you could have ever wished her to have as friends. Her sweet nature and indomitable spirit gave her a magnetic attraction to all that she came into contact with and she lifted us all up and carried us with her on her journey. I feel truly lucky and privileged to have been able to walk beside her for the time that I did.
She was the most caring and loving and loved daughter, sister, auntie, god-mother and niece. And she was the most wonderful wife that I or any man could ever ask for. Sure she had some quirks but who doesn't - I loved her even more for each and every one of them! The imperfections! I mean - She wasn't the tidiest. She 'never had any clothes' (we could honestly clothe a small nation - good luck moving Jake!). She was rarely on time. She could be sooooo stubborn!! (but not to be mean we'll call it 'strong willed')... and this combined with her razor sharp photographic elephant like memory meant that I never (EVER!!) won an argument!! She was totally useless at saying goodbye (particularly to a certain Mrs Bugden!), her accents were questionable and her singing voice...let's say original (sorry baby!)! She had the tiniest thumbs and couldn't stop herself sticking them up in every photo (god I love her!) and she ate chocolate in her sleep (often waking up with it on her cheek and a wrapper stuck to her forehead). She had the coolest dance moves and the best fancy dress outfits! She hated her 'Spock' like ears and her 'Desperate Dan' jaw as she called them but I just loved her even more for her ridiculous and delusional self deprecation. To me - she was perfect.
She never knew how beautiful or how admired, loved and cherished she was. The effect she had on others and the number of people she inspired just by being her was so clear to see but not to her. I hope that she can look down now and is able to see the kind of impact she had on everyone she met and even those that she didn't. Her legacy and her motto 'Smile, love and be kind' will live on. To borrow a line (thank you Joanne Philip) - 'Emmy is like a skipping stone... she skipped and danced across the big wide pond that is life but now it is time for her to rest whilst her ripples live on'.
As for me... I feel utterly lost and empty without her. I can't look to the passenger seat whilst driving the car without the deepest ache spreading across my chest. And there isn't a moment that passes when I don't miss her. No truer word has been spoken than 'Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.' (K.Gibran). I knew I was lucky but it is true that you never know what you have got until its gone. She was my north, my south, my east, my west. The reason I wanted to wake up every morning and be a better person. My co-captain on my bike. My best friend. My lobster. My wife. And truly my hero.
Now that she is gone it is difficult to not feel so alone. But I have to believe that she she has just gone on to the next room. That she has returned to a heaven surrounded by her kind again. For she was an angel amongst mortals and she spread light in a world that at times was not so bright. And she is looking back and smiling on all of us and she'll be with us all in some way still.
To me... She is the ray of sunshine that warms my face. She is the brightest star in the night sky. She is the gentle breeze that rustles through the curtain. She is the gentle lapping sea on the shore. She is literally in my thoughts every waking moment, and in my dreams every minute I rest. She shone so brightly upon so many and she had so much love to give. The kind of love that envelops you completely and makes you feel like the only person in the world. I feel truly blessed that Emmy chose me. I got to meet and marry my soulmate and very few people get to do that. The overwhelming feeling when she passed away was that if I couldn't keep her here in this world then all I wanted was to go with her to the next. To be with her. To walk with her, hold her hand and make sure she wasn't scared. But alas I have to stay. I have a Molly to look after and Emmy's message to continue to spread. The surrogacy journey also continues and one day, who knows, we might have a little bit of Emmy in this world again! But I wish with all that I am that I could have just one more day with her. To laugh with, to hug, to kiss, to hold tight.
So make me this promise. Go out. Go to your husband or your wife. Your partner or your lover. Tell them that you love them. Embrace them. Hold them that little bit longer. Squeeze them that little bit tighter. Whisper sweet nothings and try to forget, just for a moment, those small irrelevant worries. You're only here in this world for the shortest time and you never know when it might all disappear.
And so, although I fear I have missed out so much that I wanted to say...I leave with this.
You're back amongst your own now my gorgeous girl, my love, my angel. Shine down whenever you can. I'll be looking out for you. Wherever you are, put the kettle on, put on your dressing gown, curl up on the sofa and wait for me. I'll always be holding your hand...See you soon gorge.
'Smile more, love more deeply and be kind always.' Emmy Coates.
Source: Jake Coates, FB
*******
Brace yourself...this is the most beautiful, brave and heartbreaking love story
By Amanda Cassidy
Emmy and Jake were childhood sweethearts when they were just 11 years of age.
At 13, Jake told Emmy that she was his 'lobster'.
At 16, they became 'official', and dated for three years. Although they went their separate ways at University, they remained best friends.
Emmy, who was working as a primary school teacher in London at the time, kept in touch with Jake who was living in Australia via 'Facetime'. Nobody was surprised when they rekindled their romance, but their happily ever after was put on hold after Emmy was suddenly diagnosed with thyroid cancer.
A CT scan revealed that the cancer had already spread into her spine, lungs, liver and bones. She was dying.
Instead of proposing on the beach in the Philippines as planned, Jake promptly proposed to Emmy the next day in bed, with a cup of tea. She described the moment as totally 'perfect'.
Emmy was told that illness was, most likely, terminal. They married in a stunning (and heartbreaking) ceremony last September.
Emmy wrote on her blog and on their joint Facebook Page soon after:
"Although I will be on this medication life long, my prognosis is still rather dire. I have stage 4 disease meaning I have a 20% chance of living 5 years, however, I remain optimistic. Due to the teratogenicity of the drug, sadly it is not possible for me to ever carry a baby. This news for me was almost more devastating than the actual diagnosis as being a mummy is all I have ever wanted.
Therefore our only option of ever having our own child was to undergo fertility treatment; to harvest my eggs, Jake's little swimmers and we, fortunately, were able to freeze 9 embryos which potentially could be used with a surrogate in the future."
The coupled faced some backlash about their decision to bring a child into the world who's mum wouldn't live long.
Emmy's remarkable courage continued, despite the aggressive treatments and awful side-effects of her illness. She faced every day with a smile and became known for her catchphrase 'Smile, love and be kind'
Her blog posts were honest, raw and sometimes hard to read. She used her illness to inform others. And to help them feel supported. She said that she didn't want anyone to feel alone. Here post about radiotherapy is honest and raw as she charted her cancer journey with remarkable candour and courage:
"My liver is continuing to increase in size and still not functioning. It is causing quite significant pain and I continue to feel/be very sick. This is also causing continued weight loss (despite looking positively pregnant due to the swelling) and I am quite dizzy and malcoordinated (a strong look). Eating is actually at such a low point that I haven't even been able to face chocolate for over a month and I usually gorge on this delight EVERY DAY (and night!!)!!! My mouth is really dry from all the meds (but that's ok and I have this really sexy saliva cream I use...Jake's such a lucky boy!!)
I continue to feel totally exhausted all the time which is really annoying, I can't really focus on stuff especially reading and fall asleep all the time (again poor Jake...I'm rubbish company...although I do have really crazy medication induced dreams where I'm half awake and I think he has a lot of fun playing along with them!!). I also have flushing, which is a symptom of the cancer (on the plus side, with makeup I look like I've been in the Caribbean for a week although without makeup I look like I've been under a kebab grill for a week...swings and roundabouts)!"
While she was still well enough, the couple decided to make the most of their time together, they wanted to do whatever they could to help other families going through the same ordeal. They embarked on a 2000km tandem challenge from London to Copenhagen, via Brussels and Amsterdam in order to raise funds for the Royal Marsden Cancer Charity in the UK.
It wasn't easy, physically, for Emmy but she laughed and joked about her 'magic walking stick' and they raised over 100 thousand pounds.
Emmy and Jake also wrote a children's book and fulfilled a lifelong dream of having a dog - Molly brought a huge amount of joy into their lives.
Sadly, Emmy's radiance and Joie de vivre were not enough to save her life. Last week Emmy died. She never got to realise her wish to see her baby being born.
Surrounded by her family and with her beloved Molly by her side, Jake penned an emotional tribute to his brave wife after her death:
"The evening sun was still shining, the French doors were open, the birds were singing their evening song and three dogs and a very Minxy MillyMoo, (Emmy's and my beautiful 2 and a half-year-old niece) played and danced around her in a perfect blissful ignorance. It was exactly how Emmy would have wanted it to be.
There is little in the way of solace that can be taken from such a desperate time.
Whilst it was so incredibly hard to comprehend for everyone that loved her, I have to believe and hope that her sudden demise was ultimately a blessing, that she didn't suffer and wasn't too frightened for too long and that she goes in peace, crossing over, with only memories of the happiest times."
He went on to say how much he was going to miss her:
"She never knew how beautiful or how admired, loved and cherished she was.
The effect she had on others and the number of people she inspired just by being her, was so clear to see but not to her. I hope that she can look down now and is able to see the kind of impact she had on everyone she met and even those that she didn't. Her legacy and her motto 'Smile, love and be kind' will live on. To borrow a line from a friend (thank you Joanne Philip) - 'Emmy is like a skipping stone... she skipped and danced across the big wide pond that is life but now it is time for her to rest whilst her ripples live on'.
As for me... I feel utterly lost and empty without her. I can't look to the passenger seat whilst driving the car without the deepest ache spreading across my chest. And there isn't a moment that passes when I don't miss her."
You can read Jake's entire post here. It is beautiful and brave and heartbreaking.
More than anything in the world, Emmy wanted children. The realisation that she may not ever have a child was one of the most devastating parts of her diagnosis. Jake hopes someday he can raise their child, and he believes Emmy's spirit will live in her son or daughter.
"The surrogacy journey also continues and one day, who knows, we might have a little bit of Emmy in this world again! But I wish with all that I am, that I could have just one more day with her. To laugh with, to hug, to kiss, to hold tight.
So make me this promise. Go out. Go to your husband or your wife. Your partner or your lover.
Tell them that you love them. Embrace them. Hold them that little bit longer. Squeeze them that little bit tighter. Whisper sweet nothings and try to forget, just for a moment, those small irrelevant worries. You're only here in this world for the shortest time and you never know when it might all disappear."
Emmy Coates will be buried this Friday at Hereford Cathedral at 2 pm
You can see more about their brave journey here
(FB The Emmy 'smile, love & be kind' page)
Dearly loved wife of Jacob, much loved daughter of David and Susie, special sister to Sophie and loving auntie to Milly. Teacher, author and best friend to so many, she was an inspiration and will be missed by all.
Her funeral service will take place at Hereford Cathedral on Friday 30th of June 2017 at 2pm. Everyone is very welcome to attend. Please do respond if you would like to attend to give us some indication of numbers.
Her cremation ceremony will follow for close friends and family (respectfully this will be by invitation only) at 3:45pm.
Family flowers only please. And kind donations will be gratefully received by The Royal Marsden Hospital Charity via Emmy and Jake's EJTandemonium justgiving fundraising page or can be sent to Bayley Brothers (Hereford) Ltd.
Lots of love from all of Emmy's family.
*******
The Emmy 'smile, love & be kind' page
June 20, 2017 ·
20.6.17 - Rest In Peace my darling girl.
There's so much that I want to say... so much that needs to be said. I find it impossible to find the right words or enough superlatives to describe Emmy, my love for her or my sorrow that she has gone. This post will never do justice all of the emotions that I want to convey nor express enough gratitude to all of you for all of the messages of love and support that we as a family have received.
To bring myself to actually write something has been so much more emotionally and physically challenging than I ever thought it would be. I have just wanted to hide, switch off my phone, shut off from the world and pretend it's not happening... but I realise that for so many reasons, not least that my beautiful Emmy would have wanted me to write something (mainly to thank you all - such is the person she was), that it was important that I try... so here it is...
My darling Emmy passed away at 8:30pm on Friday evening the 16th June 2017. She was surrounded by all her family and was as comfortable as she could be. The evening sun was still shining, the French doors were open, the birds were singing their evening song and three dogs and a very minxy Milly moo (Emmys and my beautiful 2 and a half year old niece) played and danced around her in a perfect blissful ignorance. It was exactly how Emmy would have wanted it to be.
There is little in the way of solace that can be taken from such a desperate time. That she felt so 'well' and had lived so fully, unawares of her impending fate, up until just a fortnight ago IS something. But that she deteriorated so suddenly leaving so many final conversations unsaid is also equally heartbreaking. Whilst it was so incredibly hard to comprehend for everyone that loved her, I have to believe and hope that her sudden demise was ultimately a blessing, that she didn't suffer and wasn't too frightened for too long and that she goes in peace, crossing over, with only memories of the happiest times.
Since Emmy passed away her family and I have been inundated with the most beautiful messages, emails, cards and letters of love, support and condolence. In the most desperate circumstance it has been truly heartwarming and I cannot begin to tell you how much of a wonderful comfort that it has been to us all. It is impossible for me to try and tell you all how grateful we are to every single one of you.
I have spent days too reading through the beautiful heartfelt posts that have been shared on Facebook and instagram celebrating all that was Emmy. To see the outpouring of love which has spread over social media from everyone far and wide and the recognition of the special person she was has been utterly breathtaking. It has been, at times, quite emotionally overwhelming and difficult to read, but it has also made me (and everyone that knew her), if it were possible, even prouder of the girl that we all adored so completely. I just wish she could see it all for herself. Perhaps she can. But from the bottom of my heart and on behalf of all of her gorgeous family - thank you for spreading such love and celebrating her in the way she so richly deserves.
Emmy was truly one of a kind. She was effortlessly beautiful. By far the most stunning girl I have ever seen. She had a simple charm, a gentle elegance and a pure class that couldn't be taught. She had the biggest, brightest smile that radiated an unparalleled warmth. She had the most dazzling emerald eyes - shining beacons that had a kindness like no other. Like Audrey Hepburn once said, her eyes were like a doorway to her heart - they smiled at you and you couldn't help but smile back - they were a window to her glistening soul and a true inner beauty. From her every pore she exuded a positivity so infectious that it was impossible not to feel better about yourself just by being around her. She genuinely lit up every room she walked into.
She was kind to a fault. She put everyone else first. She never believed any compliment she received and she played down any praise. She was unbelievably thoughtful - always buying others gifts and making them cards, writing thank you messages or notes and always desperately tried to respond to everyone who had written to her with the greatest care and attention that she felt they so deserved. She was an incredible teacher and children universally adored her. She was a scrabble mastermind and I could never beat her (even at the end when she would play half asleep! (Gad dam'it!). She wrote beautifully and authored the Tara and Tyrone books effortlessly. She surprised herself with her public speaking and was far more eloquent with words than she ever gave herself credit.
She was a fighter. Throughout everything she remained so strong. She was quite simply the bravest person I've ever met. She never ever complained, never moaned and never wanted any sympathy from me or anyone else. Every time she was dealt a dud card she just sucked it up and continued on. Always moving forward, never looking back. Even at the end she was still able to joke and laugh and make light of her situation. She was an unstoppable force who just wanted to spread as much love, light, happiness, kindness and positivity as she could.
They say that the true measure of friendship isn't how you feel about someone else but how they make you feel about yourself. Well Emmy had the incredible ability to make you feel like you were the only person in the world. Completely listened to. And made you feel so special. It is of little surprise then that over the years she has made and surrounded herself with some of the most gorgeous, sweet, caring, loving and incredible people that, as a husband, you could have ever wished her to have as friends. Her sweet nature and indomitable spirit gave her a magnetic attraction to all that she came into contact with and she lifted us all up and carried us with her on her journey. I feel truly lucky and privileged to have been able to walk beside her for the time that I did.
She was the most caring and loving and loved daughter, sister, auntie, god-mother and niece. And she was the most wonderful wife that I or any man could ever ask for. Sure she had some quirks but who doesn't - I loved her even more for each and every one of them! The imperfections! I mean - She wasn't the tidiest. She 'never had any clothes' (we could honestly clothe a small nation - good luck moving Jake!). She was rarely on time. She could be sooooo stubborn!! (but not to be mean we'll call it 'strong willed')... and this combined with her razor sharp photographic elephant like memory meant that I never (EVER!!) won an argument!! She was totally useless at saying goodbye (particularly to a certain Mrs Bugden!), her accents were questionable and her singing voice...let's say original (sorry baby!)! She had the tiniest thumbs and couldn't stop herself sticking them up in every photo (god I love her!) and she ate chocolate in her sleep (often waking up with it on her cheek and a wrapper stuck to her forehead). She had the coolest dance moves and the best fancy dress outfits! She hated her 'Spock' like ears and her 'Desperate Dan' jaw as she called them but I just loved her even more for her ridiculous and delusional self deprecation. To me - she was perfect.
She never knew how beautiful or how admired, loved and cherished she was. The effect she had on others and the number of people she inspired just by being her was so clear to see but not to her. I hope that she can look down now and is able to see the kind of impact she had on everyone she met and even those that she didn't. Her legacy and her motto 'Smile, love and be kind' will live on. To borrow a line (thank you Joanne Philip) - 'Emmy is like a skipping stone... she skipped and danced across the big wide pond that is life but now it is time for her to rest whilst her ripples live on'.
As for me... I feel utterly lost and empty without her. I can't look to the passenger seat whilst driving the car without the deepest ache spreading across my chest. And there isn't a moment that passes when I don't miss her. No truer word has been spoken than 'Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.' (K.Gibran). I knew I was lucky but it is true that you never know what you have got until its gone. She was my north, my south, my east, my west. The reason I wanted to wake up every morning and be a better person. My co-captain on my bike. My best friend. My lobster. My wife. And truly my hero.
Now that she is gone it is difficult to not feel so alone. But I have to believe that she she has just gone on to the next room. That she has returned to a heaven surrounded by her kind again. For she was an angel amongst mortals and she spread light in a world that at times was not so bright. And she is looking back and smiling on all of us and she'll be with us all in some way still.
To me... She is the ray of sunshine that warms my face. She is the brightest star in the night sky. She is the gentle breeze that rustles through the curtain. She is the gentle lapping sea on the shore. She is literally in my thoughts every waking moment, and in my dreams every minute I rest. She shone so brightly upon so many and she had so much love to give. The kind of love that envelops you completely and makes you feel like the only person in the world. I feel truly blessed that Emmy chose me. I got to meet and marry my soulmate and very few people get to do that. The overwhelming feeling when she passed away was that if I couldn't keep her here in this world then all I wanted was to go with her to the next. To be with her. To walk with her, hold her hand and make sure she wasn't scared. But alas I have to stay. I have a Molly to look after and Emmy's message to continue to spread. The surrogacy journey also continues and one day, who knows, we might have a little bit of Emmy in this world again! But I wish with all that I am that I could have just one more day with her. To laugh with, to hug, to kiss, to hold tight.
So make me this promise. Go out. Go to your husband or your wife. Your partner or your lover. Tell them that you love them. Embrace them. Hold them that little bit longer. Squeeze them that little bit tighter. Whisper sweet nothings and try to forget, just for a moment, those small irrelevant worries. You're only here in this world for the shortest time and you never know when it might all disappear.
And so, although I fear I have missed out so much that I wanted to say...I leave with this.
You're back amongst your own now my gorgeous girl, my love, my angel. Shine down whenever you can. I'll be looking out for you. Wherever you are, put the kettle on, put on your dressing gown, curl up on the sofa and wait for me. I'll always be holding your hand...See you soon gorge.
'Smile more, love more deeply and be kind always.' Emmy Coates.
Source: Jake Coates, FB
*******
Brace yourself...this is the most beautiful, brave and heartbreaking love story
By Amanda Cassidy
Emmy and Jake were childhood sweethearts when they were just 11 years of age.
At 13, Jake told Emmy that she was his 'lobster'.
At 16, they became 'official', and dated for three years. Although they went their separate ways at University, they remained best friends.
Emmy, who was working as a primary school teacher in London at the time, kept in touch with Jake who was living in Australia via 'Facetime'. Nobody was surprised when they rekindled their romance, but their happily ever after was put on hold after Emmy was suddenly diagnosed with thyroid cancer.
A CT scan revealed that the cancer had already spread into her spine, lungs, liver and bones. She was dying.
Instead of proposing on the beach in the Philippines as planned, Jake promptly proposed to Emmy the next day in bed, with a cup of tea. She described the moment as totally 'perfect'.
Emmy was told that illness was, most likely, terminal. They married in a stunning (and heartbreaking) ceremony last September.
Emmy wrote on her blog and on their joint Facebook Page soon after:
"Although I will be on this medication life long, my prognosis is still rather dire. I have stage 4 disease meaning I have a 20% chance of living 5 years, however, I remain optimistic. Due to the teratogenicity of the drug, sadly it is not possible for me to ever carry a baby. This news for me was almost more devastating than the actual diagnosis as being a mummy is all I have ever wanted.
Therefore our only option of ever having our own child was to undergo fertility treatment; to harvest my eggs, Jake's little swimmers and we, fortunately, were able to freeze 9 embryos which potentially could be used with a surrogate in the future."
The coupled faced some backlash about their decision to bring a child into the world who's mum wouldn't live long.
Emmy's remarkable courage continued, despite the aggressive treatments and awful side-effects of her illness. She faced every day with a smile and became known for her catchphrase 'Smile, love and be kind'
Her blog posts were honest, raw and sometimes hard to read. She used her illness to inform others. And to help them feel supported. She said that she didn't want anyone to feel alone. Here post about radiotherapy is honest and raw as she charted her cancer journey with remarkable candour and courage:
"My liver is continuing to increase in size and still not functioning. It is causing quite significant pain and I continue to feel/be very sick. This is also causing continued weight loss (despite looking positively pregnant due to the swelling) and I am quite dizzy and malcoordinated (a strong look). Eating is actually at such a low point that I haven't even been able to face chocolate for over a month and I usually gorge on this delight EVERY DAY (and night!!)!!! My mouth is really dry from all the meds (but that's ok and I have this really sexy saliva cream I use...Jake's such a lucky boy!!)
I continue to feel totally exhausted all the time which is really annoying, I can't really focus on stuff especially reading and fall asleep all the time (again poor Jake...I'm rubbish company...although I do have really crazy medication induced dreams where I'm half awake and I think he has a lot of fun playing along with them!!). I also have flushing, which is a symptom of the cancer (on the plus side, with makeup I look like I've been in the Caribbean for a week although without makeup I look like I've been under a kebab grill for a week...swings and roundabouts)!"
While she was still well enough, the couple decided to make the most of their time together, they wanted to do whatever they could to help other families going through the same ordeal. They embarked on a 2000km tandem challenge from London to Copenhagen, via Brussels and Amsterdam in order to raise funds for the Royal Marsden Cancer Charity in the UK.
It wasn't easy, physically, for Emmy but she laughed and joked about her 'magic walking stick' and they raised over 100 thousand pounds.
Emmy and Jake also wrote a children's book and fulfilled a lifelong dream of having a dog - Molly brought a huge amount of joy into their lives.
Sadly, Emmy's radiance and Joie de vivre were not enough to save her life. Last week Emmy died. She never got to realise her wish to see her baby being born.
Surrounded by her family and with her beloved Molly by her side, Jake penned an emotional tribute to his brave wife after her death:
"The evening sun was still shining, the French doors were open, the birds were singing their evening song and three dogs and a very Minxy MillyMoo, (Emmy's and my beautiful 2 and a half-year-old niece) played and danced around her in a perfect blissful ignorance. It was exactly how Emmy would have wanted it to be.
There is little in the way of solace that can be taken from such a desperate time.
Whilst it was so incredibly hard to comprehend for everyone that loved her, I have to believe and hope that her sudden demise was ultimately a blessing, that she didn't suffer and wasn't too frightened for too long and that she goes in peace, crossing over, with only memories of the happiest times."
He went on to say how much he was going to miss her:
"She never knew how beautiful or how admired, loved and cherished she was.
The effect she had on others and the number of people she inspired just by being her, was so clear to see but not to her. I hope that she can look down now and is able to see the kind of impact she had on everyone she met and even those that she didn't. Her legacy and her motto 'Smile, love and be kind' will live on. To borrow a line from a friend (thank you Joanne Philip) - 'Emmy is like a skipping stone... she skipped and danced across the big wide pond that is life but now it is time for her to rest whilst her ripples live on'.
As for me... I feel utterly lost and empty without her. I can't look to the passenger seat whilst driving the car without the deepest ache spreading across my chest. And there isn't a moment that passes when I don't miss her."
You can read Jake's entire post here. It is beautiful and brave and heartbreaking.
More than anything in the world, Emmy wanted children. The realisation that she may not ever have a child was one of the most devastating parts of her diagnosis. Jake hopes someday he can raise their child, and he believes Emmy's spirit will live in her son or daughter.
"The surrogacy journey also continues and one day, who knows, we might have a little bit of Emmy in this world again! But I wish with all that I am, that I could have just one more day with her. To laugh with, to hug, to kiss, to hold tight.
So make me this promise. Go out. Go to your husband or your wife. Your partner or your lover.
Tell them that you love them. Embrace them. Hold them that little bit longer. Squeeze them that little bit tighter. Whisper sweet nothings and try to forget, just for a moment, those small irrelevant worries. You're only here in this world for the shortest time and you never know when it might all disappear."
Emmy Coates will be buried this Friday at Hereford Cathedral at 2 pm
You can see more about their brave journey here
(FB The Emmy 'smile, love & be kind' page)
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