Animals: a Virtual Cemetery

See all by A AAA American

A Virtual Cemetery created by A AAA American

Animals

Animals are so important. We are all one !A.D. 04/5/14 BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENTThese are classified ads which were actually placed in U. K. newspapers:FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!___________________________________________FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.________________________________________________FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. ____WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. ___________________________________________________________And the WINNER is...FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 orbest offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.(Statement of the Century)___________________________________________________________Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker -- Billy Connolly."If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"____________________________________________________________Children Are QuickTEACHER: Why are you late?STUDENT: Class started before I got here.____________________________________TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.__________________________________________TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'TEACHER: No, that's wrong.GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.____________________________________________TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?DONALD: H I J K L M N O.TEACHER: What are you talking about?DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.__________________________________TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.WINNIE: Me!__________________________________________TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are._______________________________________TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I'MILLIE: I is.TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'________________________________TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now,Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....______________________________________TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.______________________________TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.___________________________________TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?HAROLD: A teacher.